The SHADOW: On Gay Pride
proud nelly!
when it comes to your sexuality, how proud are you? that is a question that i’ve been pondering lately, and as this is pride month (at least in new york), i thought i’d bring the subject of gay pride to the forefront and have a little one-sided chat with you all. cool? ok, here we go…
i’m pretty gay. scratch that… i’m really gay. i’m in the process of interviewing the people in my life about who i am as an individual from their perspective. one of the questions i ask of said interviewees is, “what is something that everyone knows about me.” several of these people didn’t even twitch before they answered, “you’re gay” or “homo!” or something to that effect. at first, hearing this jarred me quite a bit. i mean, i am in no way (anymore) ashamed, scared or disappointed about my sexuality. i love who i am; but at the same time, there was a moment in hearing their answers where i found myself a bit unsettled in imagining that upon meeting me, one’s first thought could possibly be, “oh yeah… big fag!”
this then begged the question, “well, if that’s a concern of yours, then how proud are you of your sexuality?” how can i sit here as a comfortable, successful and self-loving gay man in one minute, and then be concerned about what others were going to say about my sexuality the next? it didn’t make sense, and i had to check myself very quickly. there was a time when i didn’t even want the voice in my head to know that i liked boys. nowadays, the voice in my head picks out which boys i should go and talk to at the club. that took a lot of work, but at the end of the day, i am able to look myself in the mirror and proudly acknowledge the fact that i like a good dick every now and then. and there’s nothing wrong with that.
that being said, i wouldn’t say that i now skip around the streets of new york, pride flag in hand, preaching the joys of my homosexuality; but i don’t necessarily hide it either. i am very proud to be a gay man, and even prouder to be a black gay man! there is something so special in that phrase “black, gay man”… something incredibly powerful. to sit here as a minority of a minority- happy with my life, and who i am regardless of how others view me is a tremendously great feeling. i’m not going to suggest that i have no problems and never run into any sort of scrutiny over my sexuality, but i will say that i’ve been able to overcome those situations through an understanding and a love for myself. i only have me… period. i can’t control you, your thoughts, your words, or your actions; so why even try? if someone has a problem with my being gay, i only have to remind myself that their problem has nothing to do with me, and then i’m good.
think about it. if someone you know, or even don’t know approaches you and makes some sort of negative comment about your sexuality, where does that come from? it certainly doesn’t come from you- you would never subject yourself to something like that. it comes from a space of fear, uncertainty, ignorance or just plain stupidity on the part of that person. it has absolutely nothing to do with you. maybe that person is fighting with their sexuality and is looking for a way to vent. maybe that person hates the fact that you are a lot happier in your gay life than they are in their straight one. who knows? all i know is that i can’t help being gay. i can’t help seeing boris kudjoe and getting all kinds of happy. i can’t help but to be the person i was created as- a black, gay man. and because i love the man that i am, i can’t help but to be proud!
so how proud are you? some of you are so proud of being gay that you can be seen on any given sunny day snappin’ for the kids up and down the west side highway. others show their pride with the magazines and tv shows they’ve created- giving the community a voice and calming the fears of both society at large, but also some of those still hiding very deep in their own closets. some of you are so damn proud that you throw parties for yourself commemorating the day you came out.
i don’t care who you are... a little gay, or a whole lotta gay. if you look inside yourself, eliminate all exterior circumstances, comments and concerns that are out of your control, and you find that you actually like, if not love the person you are; then you should be proud! so this year, as we enter gay pride 2007, make sure you celebrate! march in the parade. have a cocktail at your local gay bar. have a little cock. do something! celebrate who you are because you’re beautiful, you’re exactly who you’re supposed to be, and you’re worth more than you ever dreamed you could be.
happy pride!
when it comes to your sexuality, how proud are you? that is a question that i’ve been pondering lately, and as this is pride month (at least in new york), i thought i’d bring the subject of gay pride to the forefront and have a little one-sided chat with you all. cool? ok, here we go…
i’m pretty gay. scratch that… i’m really gay. i’m in the process of interviewing the people in my life about who i am as an individual from their perspective. one of the questions i ask of said interviewees is, “what is something that everyone knows about me.” several of these people didn’t even twitch before they answered, “you’re gay” or “homo!” or something to that effect. at first, hearing this jarred me quite a bit. i mean, i am in no way (anymore) ashamed, scared or disappointed about my sexuality. i love who i am; but at the same time, there was a moment in hearing their answers where i found myself a bit unsettled in imagining that upon meeting me, one’s first thought could possibly be, “oh yeah… big fag!”
this then begged the question, “well, if that’s a concern of yours, then how proud are you of your sexuality?” how can i sit here as a comfortable, successful and self-loving gay man in one minute, and then be concerned about what others were going to say about my sexuality the next? it didn’t make sense, and i had to check myself very quickly. there was a time when i didn’t even want the voice in my head to know that i liked boys. nowadays, the voice in my head picks out which boys i should go and talk to at the club. that took a lot of work, but at the end of the day, i am able to look myself in the mirror and proudly acknowledge the fact that i like a good dick every now and then. and there’s nothing wrong with that.
that being said, i wouldn’t say that i now skip around the streets of new york, pride flag in hand, preaching the joys of my homosexuality; but i don’t necessarily hide it either. i am very proud to be a gay man, and even prouder to be a black gay man! there is something so special in that phrase “black, gay man”… something incredibly powerful. to sit here as a minority of a minority- happy with my life, and who i am regardless of how others view me is a tremendously great feeling. i’m not going to suggest that i have no problems and never run into any sort of scrutiny over my sexuality, but i will say that i’ve been able to overcome those situations through an understanding and a love for myself. i only have me… period. i can’t control you, your thoughts, your words, or your actions; so why even try? if someone has a problem with my being gay, i only have to remind myself that their problem has nothing to do with me, and then i’m good.
think about it. if someone you know, or even don’t know approaches you and makes some sort of negative comment about your sexuality, where does that come from? it certainly doesn’t come from you- you would never subject yourself to something like that. it comes from a space of fear, uncertainty, ignorance or just plain stupidity on the part of that person. it has absolutely nothing to do with you. maybe that person is fighting with their sexuality and is looking for a way to vent. maybe that person hates the fact that you are a lot happier in your gay life than they are in their straight one. who knows? all i know is that i can’t help being gay. i can’t help seeing boris kudjoe and getting all kinds of happy. i can’t help but to be the person i was created as- a black, gay man. and because i love the man that i am, i can’t help but to be proud!
i don’t care who you are... a little gay, or a whole lotta gay. if you look inside yourself, eliminate all exterior circumstances, comments and concerns that are out of your control, and you find that you actually like, if not love the person you are; then you should be proud! so this year, as we enter gay pride 2007, make sure you celebrate! march in the parade. have a cocktail at your local gay bar. have a little cock. do something! celebrate who you are because you’re beautiful, you’re exactly who you’re supposed to be, and you’re worth more than you ever dreamed you could be.
happy pride!
Labels: The Shadow
posted by C.R. Knight on Friday, June 01, 2007
<< Home