The & Show: Gay Boxes

MEET Clarence Nero - This THURSDAY!

MARK YOUR CALENDARS FOR THURSDAY, FEBRURARY 8, 6 P.M.

- Celebrate Black History Month with Author Clarence Nero who Maya Angelou describes as "one of our most promising young authors."

- Booksigning and reception at Hue Man Bookstore & Cafe

2319 Frederick Douglass Blvd, Between 124th and 125th Streets

Thursday February 8th

- Meet the author in your city soon!! LOG ON TO - www.clarencenero.com

What if you KNEW...?

I recently found myself complaining about my life and how it's not where I want it to be. Sometimes in life, I think we fail to take into account that we can't control everything. God is ultimately in control. Sure, there are things that we can aggressively go after and even achieve them, but there is no way we can predict the outcome.

I had a very morbid thought the other day and I wanted to share it with my readers. I pose this question: What if you knew that you were going to DIE this year? You don't know the time, the place, nor the hour, but you just KNEW that you were going to die. How would you carry on with your life? Would you live it to the fullest as you claim to do every day? Would you waste time complaining about things that aren't working in your life or would you take ACTION and change them?

It is so much easier to complain, I swear. You hate your job and your co-workers. Then leave. Go do something else. Go work someplace else, if it's that bad. Or you can transform your workplace. Figure out why you hate your job. See if there is something you can create around your job that makes it fun to be there. I mean if you are going to be there for 8 hours there is absolutely no reason why you shouldn't enjoy some aspects of it if not all. Even, if you can't make that work, you should definitely have something to do AFTER work that inspires you. DARE TO DREAM. Do something that you've always wanted to do but never made the time or felt like it was just too far out of your reach.

We live in a world where anything is possible for us to do for ourselves. The only reason we don't do them is because we complain that we can't. Well, I'm here to tell you that it's all a bunch of negative, unnecessary talk. When you find yourself complaining, see if you can call yourself on it. Ask people around you to stop you in your tracks when you beginning going on a rant about something instead of finding a solution. Try this on for the month of February and see how your life changes. All in all LOVE YOURSELF and stop complaining, it's just not worth it!

interview with G. Winston James

1. WHERE ARE YOU FROM? WHAT IS YOUR BACKGROUND? I was born in Kingston, Jamaica. My family moved to Paterson, NJ when I was three years old. I grew up in Paterson—attended public grammar school then Catholic high school. After graduation, I attended Columbia University in New York City.

My first male to male experiences were in Paterson when I was as young as four. I later found creative ways to explore my attraction to men. I didn’t have a relationship with another man, though, until I was in college—and even that happened outside of the country…in Guadalajara, Mexico. Mexico was the first time I’d ever lived outside of the country (except Jamaica), the first time I had anal sex and the first time I spent the night in another man’s bed. Since then I’ve almost kept my promise to myself to visit every continent except Antarctica. I’ve only got Australia left. I’ve lived in Madrid and Rio de Janeiro, but New York City, has had the strongest effect on who I’ve become as a black gay man. The Other Countries writers workshop and the group GMAD (Gay Men of African Descent) were the organizations through which I truly found community.

2. YOU'VE WRITTEN POETRY BOOKS BEFORE. WHAT ARE THE TITLES? I’ve published poetry, short stories and essays in a bunch of anthologies, but I’ve only had one other poetry collection released. I released Lyric: Poems Along A Broken Road in 1998. It became a finalist for a Lambda Literary Award in poetry.

3. YOUR LATEST BOOK "THE DAMAGED GOOD: POEMS AROUND LOVE", WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO WRITE IT? I always write about what I live and the experiences of my friends and the community that I care about. Aside from our daily jobs and careers, I feel that a lot of gay men (maybe even most people) are consumed by the search for “intimacy.” Sometimes it’s sex, sometimes relationships, but that hunt is what drives a lot of us in our private moments. With that search come all kinds of passions, fears and anxieties about the decisions we make—safer sex, whether to bottom or top, love, heartache, disease, etc.

I wanted to write a book that spoke very, very directly about these issues. I say “around love” because most of these poems are not “love poems,” but poems about the whys, whats, hows, and wheres of our searches for sex, love and the fulfillment of desire.

So there are poems in The Damaged Good around childhood emotional need, sexual abuse, relationships, interracial dating, cruising (in parks, subways, on the internet, at sex parties, etc), unsafe sex, law breaking, imprisonment, death, and ultimately a call for some perspective. The book ends with poems that ask readers to consider loving themselves first and foremost as a kind of revolutionary act. I see The Damaged Good as a no-holds-barred look at the good, the bad and the ugly of our emotional and sexual needs and their fulfillment.

4. HOW WOULD YOU COLOR YOUR DESTINY? I color my destiny red (or maybe a flaming orange). I am a very passionate man. I have no intention of letting any of it go. I still have a lot of exploring to do.

5. TELL ME 3 POETS WHO YOU WOULD INVITE TO DINNER. WHEN YOU SIT DOWN, WHAT'S ON YOUR PLATE? WHAT ARE YOU DRINKING? WHO'S AT THE TABLE WITH YOU? NOW ADD 3 MORE PEOPLE. I would invite Marvin K. White because of the joy and pain that I sense in his writing. Reginald Shepherd because I feel a search for belonging in some of his work, and am challenged by his use of language. And Staceyann Chin because she is my countrywoman and captures passion in her writing in a way that few can.

I think I’d like to have stew peas for dinner because it is one of my favorite Jamaican dishes and because the bones encourage you to put your fingers in your food. I want my dinner guests to get a little messy. I don’t think I’d have an issue with these three, but I’d want them to leave all pretensions at the door. To drink, we’d have carrot juice sweetened with condensed milk and spiced up with a dash of Guinness stout. This meal will be rich.

I’d like Lisa Moore, the publisher of RedBone Press at the table as well because she is down to earth and visionary—a blessed combination. My good friend Curu Necos-Bloice from the Dominican Republic because he is largely self-taught, brilliant and idiosyncratic. And Steven G. Fullwood because he is an archivist, art supporter, publisher and potential superhero.

This collection of people excites me.

6. DO YOU THINK THAT THE AVERAGE PERSON REALLY KNOWS AND HAS EXPERIENCED LOVE? DO YOU EARNESTLY FEEL THAT BLACK GAY MEN KNOW HOW TO LOVE EACH OTHER? I do believe that the average person has known and experienced love. Love is a profoundly personal thing and no one has a right to question another person’s emotional experience. I think that problems arise when individuals come to believe that “love” necessarily translates into everlasting relationships. I think that ‘til death do us part relationships are rare and overrated. I am a firm believer in engaging in relationships for only so long as those relationships are healthy and growth inspiring. When they no longer are, I encourage people to allow those relationships to evolve into another form—call it friendship, but some other form that takes advantage of their experiences together and their love.

I have my doubts that most black gay men know how to nurture and love one another. I could extend that reading to include many in the larger black community as well. I think that many of us are not accustomed to entering into equal partnerships built on the central idea of supporting and encouraging one another to grow—emotionally, intellectually, professionally, spiritually, sexually. I’m afraid that we are often too superficial in our relationships, too territorial, too petty (hating), stingy and concerned about what others think to give one another the energy, support and hope that we each need.

I think that more of us as black gay men need to work on our pride, love and acceptance of ourselves (warts and all) first before trying to give “all of ourselves” to others. Good loving requires courage. If we aren’t able to stand alone against the crowd (even the black gay crowd), I think we are not yet able to give a relationship all that is required for it to not only survive, but flourish. Sometimes sex, politics and provincialism stand in the way of our opportunities for love and growth.

7. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON INTERNET HOOK UPS? I have a number of internet profiles. While I’ve had a fun time or two, and made at least one lasting friendship, I don’t have the patience for the instant messaging and the dishonesty. I prefer to meet people unexpectedly during my day to day. That way I can see immediately whether there is a connection between our energies. I also like to touch the men I’m interested in as soon as possible. I’d rather not have a man standing at the door to my apartment before that touch can happen.

All that said, I know of at least one couple that met online and have been together for several years. I congratulate them, but I have not been so fortunate.

The & Show on YOUTUBE.COM

It's finally time to introduce the new online show that I've been producing for the past 6 months or so. It's been in the works so long that I've lost track of how long we've been working on it. It's definitely a labor of love as are most of the projects that I dip my hands into. Jared and I will bring to you EVERY MONDAY, a different experience for you to enjoy right at your desk as you sip your morning coffee. It's called The & Show. Prepare to be entertained with a few laughs, a few serious points, and more. We talk about pretty much everything on the show. As time progresses, we will expand on our topics. I hope you enjoy it and send us your comments and possible show topics. Accept no imitations or duplications! This show is an original ONLY CHYLD PRODUCTION. Enjoy!

Tune in THIS MONDAY FEBRUARY 5th for THE PILOT!!!
WWW.YOUTUBE.COM/THEANDSHOW

FLAWLESS - FEBRUARY 2007 - Jai Gary

1. SO, YOU ARE A SOUTHERN BOY. WHERE EXACTLY DID YOU GROW UP? Well I was actually born in Italy, but raised in Dallas,Tx. I've also lived in a few other places like Minnesota, Birmingham, Alabama, and Virginia. But I'm a southern boy at heart.

2. YOU'VE BEEN TO NEW YORK CITY, WHERE DO YOU ENJOY SPENDING TIME AND WHY? I haven't experienced all of New York, but the parts I have been to such as; Harlem, Times Square and Brooklyn. Out of those I would have to say that my favorite part is Brooklyn although being in the city is so much fun I really enjoyed all of New York because of the new experiences and the people, and I have yet to see all of New York.

3. HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN SOMEONE'S HEART? Unfortunally I have, but it was not intentional. At one point I was talking to someone but I wasnt ready for a relationship because I was so focused on my career and I didnt want to drag someone along knowing that at that time I couldn't give them my all.

4. IF YOU WERE A FRUIT IN A FRUIT SALAD, WHAT FRUIT WOULD YOU BE AND WHY? A strawberry, because I'm really plump in some areas and juicy in others. Wink!

5. NAME (3) MALE MODELS THAT INSPIRE YOU? Datari Turner - He was the new face on the scene with all the buzz. Will Lemay - Because he has an exotic look like myself, Tyson Beckford - He set the standards in male modeling entertainment industry that I will someday break.

6. WHAT TYPE OF UNDERWEAR DO YOU WEAR? Depends on what mood im in, I may wear trunk style boxer briefs and when I'm feeling like I feel now, I don't wear any at all.

7. TELL ME (4) CELEBRITIES THAT YOU WOULD INVITE TO YOUR SLUMBER PARTY AND WHY? Eva Marcell -Because she's really down to earth and funny. Beyonce - so she can hold me and sing me to sleep. Halle Berry - Because she's beautiful. Reggie Bush - Because I need someone to help me handle these beautiful women and to keep the party live.

THE SHADOW: Never Knew Love

On the way to work I saw 2 birds coo-ing in the trees
I sighed
Walking through the park I saw two midgets playing "birds and the bees"
I died
My inbox contained an email from "Paul_studying_Law"
I sighed
But when I read the words, "Hey cute smile- I wanna fuck you raw..."
I cried

These days I seem to be “wookin pa nub” in all the wrong places. I don't know what it is, but every guy out there seems to have some freak quality about him. If I get one more email containing the same or similar messages as the aforementioned; or meet one more guy with that same mentality, I'm gonna take a hostage. And yet, on a daily basis I find myself logging in and asking for more.

I am a hopeless romantic and always have been, but I feel like that is quickly deteriorating because I'm not meeting anyone who is the same. I've never been in love. Nor have I ever been in a relationship. Maybe I'm trying too hard. Maybe I'm trying too wrong. All I know is that I'm smart, eclectic, fun and attractive, but I tend to attract guys who are dumb as top soil, one sided, and who just wanna turn me out and, well... fuck me raw. None of which I'm tryin to do right now.

Today, as I was perusing through a friend's blog, I read a paragraph about how he and his boyfriend spent some time together over the weekend watching TV and falling asleep. I found myself with an odd feeling. IM-ing with a friend, I later found my answer. "You're jealous of their relationship." he was right. I long for a relationship of my own. I see people everywhere who are (seemingly) happily in love these days, and I shoot them that old evil eye. Am I not deserving? Am I not worthy of love? Have I done something in the past that I am being punished for? - because all I'm gettin' is bullshit. And I'm not trying to be mean or cruel by any means, but the other day walking down the street I saw two of the most unattractive people kissing and holding hands and I was like "Oh, COME ON!!!!"

I often wonder what love feels like. you hear the word or something related to it on a daily basis; and yet, when it comes to describing it one often finds difficulty. Is it like the feeling you get sitting next to a crackling fire on a cold day? Or perhaps that feeling you get when your favorite song plays on your ipod shuffle? Maybe it's like the feeling of blood flowing through your veins right after that second puff? I don't know… but I wanna find out. And I'm not just looking for the "happy" love, either. I want it all. The holding hands, the kissing, the arguing, the fighting, the making up, the idiosyncrasies, the vices, the peace, the tranquility, the truth- everything! I'm pretty new to the scene and haven't experienced much of anything; but love has been the one thing that I anticipate experiencing the most- because it's the one thing that's everywhere.

I know love will find me one day, and I must be patient; but that is a hard thing to do. So, I will continue to sit perched at my computer, or stand perusing a crowd a the club until that one day when I meet someone who is deserving (and willing) to go on the ride of his life and be with the love of his life….. ME!

OCEAN February

THIS FEBRUARY AT SPLASH COME IN LOVE!

The Ipod Mixer - Wednesday February 14th

The Ipod Mixer - a Hip Hop/R&B Party which will take place on Wednesday February 14

Grab your Sweetie and/or Friends and take your cute a$$ right over to DUSK Lounge and show your EMOTIONS with that new cutie you will be checkin' for... also ask the Bartender for the Drink of the NIGHT..."The Emotion"... So come out and enjoy your Valentine's Day by celebrating the launch of a series of Mixers sponsored by www.The7Magazine.com and (www.christopherstreettv.com).

MEN ARE FROM MARS - Sunday February 18

How many men does it take to inhabit the planet MARS?
There is only ONE way to find out...
This President's Weekend...
COME TO ANOTHER PLANET!